John O’Reilly raised his beer high at the crowded pub and shouted, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!” The room exploded with laughter, and just like that, John won the prize for the best toast of the night. Later that evening, he arrived home smiling proudly. “Mary,” he said, “I won the prize for the best toast at the pub tonight.”

“Oh, did ye now?” she replied. “And what was your toast?”
Without missing a beat, John answered sweetly, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

Mary’s face softened. “Well, that’s the loveliest thing I’ve ever heard, John,” she said, believing every word. The next day, while running errands, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man couldn’t hold back his grin. “Mary,” he laughed, “John won the prize the other night with a toast about you!”

“Oh, I know,” she said proudly. “He told me. And I was honestly a bit surprised myself. You see, he’s only been in there twice in the last four years.”
The man raised an eyebrow.
Mary continued calmly, “Once I had to pull him in by the ears… and the other time, he fell asleep.”